The only thing predictable about life is its unpredictability. One moment, you could be happy and carefree and the next drowning in your own guilt and fear. Someone you love can be happy one moment and the next, angered to tears dying of heart failure. So how does one treasure each moment without letting the stupid little minute letdowns of human life destroy being humble and loving? You can’t. We’re humans. There is no one to fully appreciate each second of your life without taking a moment to be selfish or forgetting. I had to learn this the hard way. Starting from Lesson 1.

LESSON 1: Hardcore

I was never one for speaking up. I used to criticize those who couldn’t stand up for themselves, but ended up letting everybody else walk all over me. Hypocrite, fake, poser. So many names that life has made for people like me. People like you. Yeah, yeah, there was once when I believed that there was a brighter side to everything. That no matter what happened, life would always get better. What I learned, was that life had its limits.

“Someone get me type A fast! This girl is bleeding waterfalls! How’s her heart beating?”

“It’s steady for now. But we need to get her other vitals stabilized stat.”

I watched in horror as I saw my best friend being pulled into the emergency room. She had been high on cocaine and ran into the streets thinking that she could stop a truck going high speed. I cried silently desperately trying to get into contact with someone, anyone. Truth is, we haven’t been that close lately. We were when we were younger, but soon got split apart as we went to different high school. The only time we saw each other was at church, and that was if she even came out. Back then, I was the doe-eyed girl who believed that with good-will and determination, anything was possible.

“Rebecca! Please! Don’t call my mom! Don’t tell her!” my friend pleaded, half conscious.

I didn’t know what to say, I was torn between right, and loyal. So I sat there, pondering, while my thoughts wandered into each scenario. Then I decided to call my pastor.

“Pastor Luke, Jessica is in the emergency room! Please come quick! We’re at the Fullerton Municipal Hospital, and she’s in critical condition. I’ll tell you more of the details when you get here, but please, hurry!”

Then, I relaxed a bit. Still crying. Thinking about when Jessica and I were still friends. All the sleepovers, talks, and trips we took together. Until one day, I heard from another friend from church who went to the same high school that Jessica had been caught drinking with her Winter Formal date. My image of them shattered. From them on, I kept hearing from one of Jessica’s close friends at school and one of mine at church that she was shoplifting, smoking, sneaking out her mom’s car, and drinking whenever she could. Me, being from a sheltered school, was horrified. I couldn’t look at her without judging her and imagining her in the worst ways. There were months when she wouldn’t show up. But whenever I tried to talk to her, she said she was fine. What was I supposed to do?